It has been a while since my last post. I have come to the will of writing again. I am happy for that because at least I let them out here. Sometimes my heart becomes stuffy by feelings and hidden thoughts. I can say there are a lot of things running in my mind and some of them are happening in my life. Some of them are good and some of them are bad. Despite everything, I live.
Dear self, be more thankful. I wish I can be truly thankful for everything I have whether they are good or bad. But, I am human. I have lust. My lust craves for perfection and I need to fulfill it or I will be saddest person. In time, I am applying another ticket of my dream. I have been praying, asking, and begging God to fulfill my wish. It is between two choices. It is either I get it and be good or I missed it and crumbling. After all, it is on God hand. I am nothing but a slave. If He says this dream that I wish for is not for me, then it is over.
I never make a preparation of what will happen if thing does not go well. I refuse to make another plan because I don't have another plan. This is the only way. This is the only time left for me. Maybe all I can say when that time has come, I should be proud of myself because I never give up. I never stop trying. But, when the situation hurts me so bad, I will totally give up.
Up until that moment, may God holds my faith. He knows how I feel. He knows I will always try to be happy on what He gives me.