God is asking me to be more patient. But God, please show me that place, bring me that person, send me that feeling that can make me be more patient than I am now. I just need a substitute to replace what I gave away. I have been so tired and wary. I know I can endure this once more but the longing in my heart is hurting me.
If my life isn't my parent's life, I would not be here. But my life, is my parent's life. I can't give up on my life and ruin the whole world. But God, I am so tired. I want to go out travel embracing the world. I want to attend fan meeting and concerts of my favourite singer. I want to buy anything that I want without concern. I want to stop worrying about being so full of myself. I want to drive my car to anywhere I wanted. I want to be happy without dwelling on my past and my future, and I can't do all that things because I am who I am. I am just that kind of person. I care about my parents because my life depends on them. I study so hard because I want to be successful and be happy with them. I just can't be that selfish because my happiness is not mine.
My young age is not meant to be spend like all the other young did. I hope all my classmates can stop asking me and questioning me. I may be the only child of my family but I am the one who should find my own gold. My parents work to complete my life's need but not to spend their Gold for me.
with all of my heart, I pray for you to provide endless health and happiness for my parents while I am studying to get a stable career and life so that I won't be a nuisance for them, so that I can give back what they have sacrificed for me.
P/s Here is my life update, I have finished my second year of my degree and path is getting complicated for me to overcome. Two years to go and may luck is on my side.
"Sad because there will be a time when you have to go through obstacles or challenges on your own. Alone, with no one to help you. And it can be devastating and heartbreaking. Hang in there. You can persevere through tough time. You. It is YOU."